Tag : leetting go

Loving Who They Are vs. Loving For What They Do For You

I am just one of your regular guys out there, but I have seen and experienced a number of relationships that have displayed the nature of major dynamic themes in relationship and what seems to work best. So, I want to share what I've observed about loving someone for who they are over loving someone for what they do for you. One is obviously going to be healthier, in my opinion, as one causes hurt/suffering and the other causes completeness, wholeness, and centered-ness in both individuals in the relationship. Loving For What They Do For You I would like to think that most people don’t actually want this kind of relationship. What ends up happening, though, from what I've experienced, is that we fall into a sweet song of the other. They play a nice tune to get us going or into believing they want the same things we want: to support each other, to be there for each other, and to be a loving co-op; and it seems to work for a while. What I've noticed, though, is that one or the other tends to behave the opposite of what they say. As in, they don’t practice what they preach. This love becomes very conditional in nature and often feels like a job review, for example, “Well, if you can’t do for me what I want you to do, you’re fired. I’ll find someone else.” You’re trapped, though, because you became emotionally invested, and thus we keep letting ourselves get manipulated, used, and possessed in this relationship, because we are afraid of losing that person we care about. That, and we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we messed up and take responsibility for the fact that we just gave that other person too much of our trust. Let me tell you a little secret though: you aren't alone. There are very intelligent people in this world who are fooled by manipulators. Loving others for what they do for you is not the basis for a healthy relationship. [...]