Category : Emotional Resilience

Loving Who They Are vs. Loving For What They Do For You

I am just one of your regular guys out there, but I have seen and experienced a number of relationships that have displayed the nature of major dynamic themes in relationship and what seems to work best. So, I want to share what I've observed about loving someone for who they are over loving someone for what they do for you. One is obviously going to be healthier, in my opinion, as one causes hurt/suffering and the other causes completeness, wholeness, and centered-ness in both individuals in the relationship. Loving For What They Do For You I would like to think that most people don’t actually want this kind of relationship. What ends up happening, though, from what I've experienced, is that we fall into a sweet song of the other. They play a nice tune to get us going or into believing they want the same things we want: to support each other, to be there for each other, and to be a loving co-op; and it seems to work for a while. What I've noticed, though, is that one or the other tends to behave the opposite of what they say. As in, they don’t practice what they preach. This love becomes very conditional in nature and often feels like a job review, for example, “Well, if you can’t do for me what I want you to do, you’re fired. I’ll find someone else.” You’re trapped, though, because you became emotionally invested, and thus we keep letting ourselves get manipulated, used, and possessed in this relationship, because we are afraid of losing that person we care about. That, and we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we messed up and take responsibility for the fact that we just gave that other person too much of our trust. Let me tell you a little secret though: you aren't alone. There are very intelligent people in this world who are fooled by manipulators. Loving others for what they do for you is not the basis for a healthy relationship. [...]

The Lift Experiment. Tim Ferris NOBNOM Challenge

I haven't written on this thing in a while so I thought I would get back to you guys with some nice juicy details on what I've been up to lately. Aside from being in a process of training myself in programming (mainly Javascript and AngularJS), I have been taking part in a challenge...Well because I love to challenge myself. What Is NOBNOM? NOBNOM challenge was designed by Tim Ferris. It is an acronym for No Beer and No Masturbation for 30 days which was conducted through a check/support group website known as Lift.do. You can read more about the challenge on his blog post, and can still even take part in it with the rest of the group and gain support and accountability if you're up for it. But it was more than just that though. It was a way to begin a purification process against old habits that many people struggle with. It brought awareness to the fact that not only does M cause energy deficiency, lack of motivation, but can also hinder relationships that you have with loved ones. It also pointed out the fact that there are a lot of people with a porn addiction that also has negative or adverse affects on the brain. However I am not saying that M is organically bad, but when abused, it can lead to a lot of distorted habits of healthy sexuality. [...]

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It

Thanks to my friend Delma, I came across a book that recently helped me pull myself out of a funk that had almost overtaken me the other day. This goes completely with my philosophy of sharing your truth with others because what helped you may help others. This book is a short but phenomenal read (I read it in one sitting). It comes down to Kamals journey of going from just breaking up with his girlfriend and losing a close friend to death to transforming himself into loving his life through self-love. [...]

Why Traveling Will Not Guarantee Emotional Well Being

[caption id="attachment_96" align="aligncenter" width="500"] img src Alex G. on flickr[/caption] This post is largely inspired by the great stoic philosopher Seneca on traveling. We has human beings always tend to want to be in control of everything around us. It gives us a sense of safety in a way, that if we are in control of our reality, then we are safe. When it comes to emotional well being, we tend to get into really grey areas of life because there are not set rules. Everything is circumstantial and what may be the correct response for one situation and one point in time may be an incorrect response in another situation of the same nature. So there are a few things that I would like to expand on a little to clear my own head. Giving up control to trying to change others or circumstances. Distractions (travel in this instance) does not guarantee emotional well being. Being honest with yourself. Giving up control to trying to change others or circumstances. [...]

3 Emotional Alchemy Tricks On The Way To Happiness

Last night I had the pleasure of discussing this topic with a few wonderful ladies about what it means to be in good relationship with one another. This lead me to re-think some of the tricks that I have learned over my own journey to my way to happiness. Most of them comes from the stoic theme of be self content. And it sounds a lot easier said then done (and in some cases it really is tough self work.) Now I'm not saying it is cake... but i'll get to that in a moment. Here however is what I want to talk a little bit about: Being self content through self love. Dropping your ideas about others to set them free. Letting go of your ideas about you to set you free. [...]

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